A Good Week

I went to a GA meeting this afternoon; I was trepidatious about this one. The meetings I fear the most tend to be the ones that are most valuable. A big group, about 20 people, of all shapes, sizes, colors, classes and creeds; they’re my favorite kind.

The topic this week has been slips, which is entirely fitting, of course. The general consensus is that slips happen when we forget how bad things were. That’s true in my case. Add in some rationalization, minimizing and, probably most importantly, access to money and - bing, bam, boom - I’m back action.

And the group-think (myself included) is that slips happen long before we gamble, as early as the thought that you could/might/maybe gamble. For me, it’s important to note there’s a difference between thinking about gambling, and thinking that I could gamble and here’s how I’d do it.

I frequently think about gambling and can see the slot reels turn in my head, which I think is normal. As one of my fellow GA members has oft said, “We’re compulsive gamblers. What else are we going to think about? Baking muffins?” but it’s when I start planning to gamble and that things, at least historically, have gotten dicey for me.

“When this time frame opens up, I’ll use this money, I’ll go to this casino, and I’ll play this game.” That level of specificity has led to a relapse every time.

One of the practices I like about the regional meetings I’ve attended in this part of the country is that you give a general thought about your week. “It’s been a good week,” or, “It’s been a shitty week,” or, “It’s been a tough week but I didn’t gamble.”

I think those simple check-ins are helpful for people like us who are used to ignoring the facts and/or stuffing our emotions down. So, while the fact remains that I’m back on day one of not drinking (and likely to bust that tonight when I get home, let’s be real), I am on day 7 (officially, though it’s really day 8) of not gambling and it has been a good week in that regard.