Just Because

Not even sure why I stopped into write - was on my way to take a shower after completing some manual labor in the yard. It feels good to be accomplishing things. Maybe that’s all I wanted to say.

My sweet husband is home tonight - bonus time. Interestingly, we haven’t spent much of it together. He was indecisive about what he wanted to do. Normally, I would sit there and be indecisive with him, drinking wine and falling further down the wine hole so that when he did decide what he wanted to do (or I suggested something that sounded appealing), I was already comfortably buzzed so I would claim something like, “I don’t care what we do. I could have fun in a paper bag.”

Today, I said, “OK, I’m going to go build this thing while you figure out what you want to do,” and I did. I built a thing.

It’s really nice to have tangible evidence of being sober. Funnily, not drinking seems to be taking the primary spot over not gambling. The Kindly Orthodox Jew suggested that I would be unable to stop gambling if I kept drinking, and, yes, there’s a connection. Not an obvious one - or maybe it is obvious. Drinking and depression go hand in hand for me; gambling and depression go hand in hand for me.

So, that’s it. My husband is having some beers, which is fine with me. I’m going to shower this hard-earned dirt and sweat off, and follow up with a blueberry soda, and I am excited about that. I am also excited about closing in on day 9. Who would have thought?