Permanent

Starting to wonder if not drinking might go on longer than 90 days, a good while longer, in fact.

Also starting to wonder if my marriage would survive it. That sounds dramatic, and maybe I mean to be, but while my husband is a super sweet guy with a great heart, he doesn’t bring a lot to the table. There, I said it.

But, wait. What do I mean? Even I’m not sure except that I don’t view him as an equal. In some areas, I’m superior, and there are some where he leads. Is that how it’s supposed to work? I feel like I should have married my “match” but, then again, maybe there is no such thing as a match. Maybe the best we can hope for is someone we like who is kind to us.

The truth is, if we had a better sex life - hell, any sex life - I would say I have a wonderful marriage. But we haven’t had sex in two months, and the last time we did was so-so and came after another two month drought.

The stereotypes are reversed here. And he wants kids but he doesn’t seem to want to do anything to get them. I don’t know. I just want regular, comfortable sex. I would be ecstatic for routine sex at this point.

My brain always dips down to the thought of “it’s me. He’s not attracted to me.I’m not attractive.”

But he assures me that’s not it, and I have had no trouble in the past, so it’s not that I’m a wildabeast.

I don’t know. Just unhappy and discontent tonight.