Problems and Solutions

Note to self: If gambling caused the problem, gambling is not the solution.

Got a nasty surprise from the IRS today. Actually, surprise isn’t right - I think we knew it could/would happen, but I willfully ignored it to the point of denial. And some of ya’ll weren’t likin’ it.

So, we have to pay $4,500 to the IRS in pretty short order for the privilege of then being able to pay the IRS another $25,000 over time.

Look, I get it. I’m not mad at them. I’m mad at me that 7 months clean, and I continue to make fucked up financial decisions/non-decisions. And 7 months clean, and all I want to do is gamble. If gambling caused the problem, gambling is not the solution.

See also: If drinking caused the problem, drinking is not the solution.

If shopping caused the problem, shopping is not the solution.

I mean, shit. My job ends in 3 months. I know this because we’re interviewing my replacement - which is a decision I made. Again, ain’t mad at no one but myself.

I’m in a really fucked up headspace. I found that I can play one of my favorite slots online - for free. Don’t worry, no money has gone out. But I know even this gambling - for money or not - is not good and against the rules. But tonight it’s the lesser of two evils. Blow $400 I don’t have or blow four hours of time that I do?

Easy answer. I’m giving myself this pass tonight. I’m in a shame spiral and at least I’m minimizing the damage (and also coming up with some pretty good rationalizations, if I do say so myself).

Oh, me. When are you going to start caring enough about yourself and your life?

I don’t know me, but at least I made the bad decision without any financial consequences and I didn’t spend any money today. Progress?


Now read this

Sober to be Sure

I’m back in the realm of heavy drinking and, if not gambling real money then at least being consumed by it and ‘practicing’ at home on free sites. Something’s got to change. Actually SOME THINGS got to I’m pretty sure I want to divorce... Continue →