Loop

I hadn’t talked to my dad for a while, about six weeks. We don’t talk ever day or even every week, but that’s a long time for us. Mostly just busy, slightly depressed. The usual.

When I did call, I felt a bit of a guilt trip (or just imagined it, most likely), but I kept thinking, “Well, hell, you didn’t call me, either.”

I keep replaying that loop in my head. Lord, can you help me press pause on this one? I’ll try to do better on calling him and other family members if you let me ease up on myself. And him. They’re probably busy, too. And blaming (or trying to dodge blame) is really pretty futile because people are going to think what they’re going to think.

It’s been a rough time at work. I’m getting beat up by enough people; I don’t need to add myself to the list.