The Un-Break Up

Every time I think I’m out, she keeps pulling me back in. I fully intended to break up with my sponsor today, which is about the third or fourth time I intended to do it. i was honest that I feel like I’m being her sponsee “wrong” because she likes to leave me these “you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to be doing” voicemails.

But today she told me I’m not, that I just need to call her every day. Which I hate. I hate, hate, hate it. I hate having to check in because I feel like I’m bothering her and she’s too busy to talk and I’m interrupting her. Part of that is on me and my weirdness, but part of it is her when she answers and it’s clear she’s at the grocery check out or shopping or what have you.

But, at this point anyway, she’s pulled me back in. I trust that this is the way it’s supposed to be for now.

I trust that what’ve been doing for 65 days that has kept me gamble free must be working. So, even though I don’t like it, I don’t quite like my mentor, the process is uncomfortable, I will stick with it. Because if it’s working, it’s working.