Closer to the Edge

Closer today to drinking than I have been in the past 16 days. Just a shitload of stressful projects converging at work, none that are really in my control. I’m at the mercy of other people to make these projects work, and I hate it

Hate it.

I hate group projects in general because other people just muck things up. Or slow them down. Or generally are annoying.

I am so fried right now, and I don’t even know what sounds appealing to talk myself down out of this state. Nothing sounds good because it all takes effort. I want the easy relief of drinking. I want it all to go away. I want everyone to go away and leave me alone.

Haven’t felt strung so tight in a really long time. And I have so much EXTRA work to do that even when this shit is resolved, I’m not done for the day. Not even close.

Lord, help. Help. Help. Please help me through this. I’m not on the edge yet, but I’m just a few steps away. Pull me back in, please.