Day 6

A good meeting tonight with my “home” group, whom I had to tell about my relapse. I didn’t “have” to but I wanted to.

I feel a bit like a traitor, as some of the things the kindly Orthodox Jew has told me run directly counter to GA tenets. I guess it all goes back to: As long as it keeps you from gambling, do it.

This isn’t coming out like I planned. I had some witty words in mind, but I find I’m tired.

Oh! I know what I wanted to share! Day 6 nearly behind me, and I find my tolerance for mess is lowering. That’s a good thing.

I’m also realizing how much can get done after 7 p.m. It sounds slothful but typically after 7 p.m., I was DONE. It was me and wine and TV. Dishes not done? Work not done? Dog not walked? Don’t care; it’s 7 p.m.

Tonight, after I got back from my meeting, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor at 9:30 and changing the bed sheets at 9:45. That’s a surprising find that tasks like these typically only take about 10 minutes each, if that. I used to have this idea it took forever. Now, I just put on Slacker and I’m usually done with mopping, changing the sheets, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom or folding a load of laundry within two songs’ time. Amazing.

I do feel more productive. But what I still don’t feel - and I’m starting to get pissed about it - is rested. I’m still not sleeping well, tossing and turning, waking up puffy and red-eyed. Maybe it was unrealistic to think I’d suddenly look 22 again. Maybe not - my sister, who will be 40 this year - looks 22. Hand to God. And we look a lot alike. So, not entirely out of the question.

Ah, well. It’s still quite novel to not wake up hungover. Even if I am still tired and looking my age, not having to deal with a hangover is divine.