This is Familiar

So, day 1 again. I was at a steady clip on day 5 but just basically decided, “Fuck it. I’ll have a beer. I don’t even like beer, but I want one.”

That rolled into another beer, and then cucumber fizz drink and then several glasses of wine. And a 1:30 a.m. bedtime for no good reason at all.

I don’t feel like death today, but I do feel unmotivated and tired and hot and sticky. I’m eager to get back on track because I can feel the monster at my back - not drinking, depression.

I think that’s an important turn for me, realizing that while drinking is harmful and not good for me, it’s really the cumulative result of drinking at this point that’s so troubling. It makes me depressed as fuck.

So, day 1 again, but ready to get some momentum behind me.